i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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