I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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