Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
