Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
