that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
