I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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