if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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