some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
