I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
