dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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