I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
someone owes me an orgasm
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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