So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
