Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
