you guys were way drunker than both of me
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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