Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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