dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
