Joe is yelling at the trees again.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
