Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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