i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You made out with two different species that night
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
