considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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