I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
