well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
