you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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