we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
