Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
