This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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