She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
