I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
