he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
True college students do jello shots in the library
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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