i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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