the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
