The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
