It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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