Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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