why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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