fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
