Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
