So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
