He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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