Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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