I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
