if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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