don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
