it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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