why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
