Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
