im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
