I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
