he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
