i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
