wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Will exercising make me less horny?
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