I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
