Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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