Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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