Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
