Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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