Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
