hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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