State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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