You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
