Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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