She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
