he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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