I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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