Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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