aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
