Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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