he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
