Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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