Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
