My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
