I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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