at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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