I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize