I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
