I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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