You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
