My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
